Do the Voices Ever Stop?

I have had great and successful year. I went back to school and got straight “A”. I have grown closer to many friends. I continue to be an active and respected member of my church. I have fought with and beaten many of my demons and have taken many chances in life. I have learned the truth about who I am and have learned to love that person. I know who and what to listen to now. So why do the voices still haunt me? With all that I have done and learned why do thought of self destruction enter my mind or worse why do I sometimes thing that I should have pulled the trigger a few years back. I know that I am loved by many people but the voices still tell me that I would never be missed and in the very dark times that the world would be better without me in it. I know that I have things to give and a life to share but does anyone can to share it with me. I keep going on so that the bastards will not be proven right about me. Some times it is the only thing that keeps my going. Why are my hart and mind so discounted, I can know the truth in my mind but still not feel it in my hart. When my hart cries that is when the voices came. I yell at them to stop and they do for a while but they always come back to haunt me and whisper in my ear their lies. I so want then to be silent forever but I don’t know if they ever will. If God is the great healer then why do I still feel the pain? Why do I hate myself more then any other person at times? Why won’t the voices stop and shut up forever? Will I ever be able to win this fight and make the voices stop or will they haunt me the rest of my life?

Something to just make you laught.

One day, God created the dog and said:

'Sit all day by the door of your house and bark at anyone who comes in or walks past. For this, I will give you a life span o f twenty years.'

The dog said: 'That's a long time to be barking. How about only ten years and I'll give you back the other ten?'

So God agreed.


On the second day, God created the monkey and said:

'Entertain people, do tricks, and make them laugh. For this, I'll give you a twenty-year life span.'

The monkey said: 'Monkey tricks for twenty years? That's a pretty long time to perform. How about I give you back ten like t he Dog did?'

And God agreed.


On the third day, God created the cow and said:

'You must go into the field with the farmer all day long and suffer under the sun, have calves and give milk to support the farmer's family. For this, I will give you a life span of sixty years.'

The cow said: 'That's kind of a tough life you want me to live for sixty years.. How about twenty and I'll give back the other forty?'

And God agreed again.

On the fourth day, God created humans and said:

'Eat, sleep, play, marry and enjoy your life. For this, I'll give you twenty years.'

But the human said: 'Only twenty years? Could you possibly give me my twenty, the forty the cow gave back, the ten the monkey gave back, and the ten the dog gave back; that makes eighty, okay?'

'Okay,' said God, 'You asked for it.'

So that is why for our first twenty years we eat, sleep, play and enjoy ourselves. For the next forty years we slave in the sun to support our family.. For the next ten years we do monkey tricks to entertain the grandchildren.. And for the last ten years we sit on the front porch and bark at everyone.

Life has now been explained to you.

Life Lessons

1. The best drink is the one had with friends; the worst is the one had alone.
2. People you love will hurt you it is just part of being human.
3. Never prove the Bastards right.
4. Life is in the way you look at it.
5. God loves to fix a mess.
6. Real men cry.
7. To know love you must know pain.
8. If someone gives you something say thank you and nothing more.
9. God loves you just the way you are. You don’t need to change for Him. He will change you in the way He wants to.
10. Love yourself so you can love others.
11. The grass is never greener on the other side.
12. Healing hurts but is worth all the pain in the end.
13. Learn from your mistakes and remember your success.
14. You are not the worst person in the world.
15. You are not the best person in the world.
16. To love God you must love man. To love man you must love God.
17. Looking good helps you to feel good.
18. Never turn love away it does not always come back.
19. Don’t give the negative voices in your head more worth then the voices of love form your friends.
20. If you own a truck plan on helping friends move.
21. Be flexible with your plans. Great things come at you without you planning it.
22. You can’t plan blessings.
23. Guard your hart but don’t wall it in. You may not be able to tear the walls down once they are up.
24. Just because someone says they love you does not mean that they are “in love with you”.
25. Don’t change for anyone but God or yourself other wise you are wasting your time.
26. Be who God made you to be not someone else.
27. Don’t let anyone but God and you define who you are.
28. Don’t hold back forgiveness it only hurts you.
29. You were created to love and be loved. You were meant to live life in relationship with God and other people, to know and be known.
30. Every sinner has a future and every saint has a past.
31. Speak the truth in love other wise you are just an ass.
32. Listen then think and if need be speak.
33. In the end God wins.
34. Take some risks in your life. You may win you may loose but you lived.

It Could be Worse

I have a friend that I am always telling life is the way you choice to look at it. You can focus on all the crap and get yourself depressed and have a rain cloud over you head all the time. Or you can look at all the good things in your life and feel happy about all the stuff you have in life. I had to call myself on this tonight once I got home. I have not had a good day today. I have had to spend most of my vacation money on just getting my truck into the shop so they could find out for sure what is wrong with it. After talking to my Dad and some friends and the mechanic it sounds like a blown head gasket. If you know anything about cars that repair starts at $1000.00 and goes up from that point. My truck is not even worth that much. So I started feeling bad for myself and thinking how much my life sucks and then the voices started to talk in my head and I just keep thinking about all the things that are wrong with my life and the things I don’t have in it. As I walked into my apartment I started to think what the hell am, I doing I am making things far harder then they are. I then made the choice to look at all the great things I have in my life. Now I did not want to do this as we all like to feel sorry for our self and hope that others will to, and say poor David his life is hard. While things maybe a bit of a pain now, I have to look at the great things I have. My boss is letting my use the company pick up truck for a few days. My Dad helped me tow my truck to the shop and a friend is thinking about selling his old car to me if it is a blown head gasket. So with all that I have to remember what I tell my friend all the time, life is how you choose to look at it. We all have hard times and need to feel sad at times but we also need to remember that things could be worse.

"Beauty From Pain"

What is going on in the world? I have talked to so many people lately that are having a very hard time in life right now, myself included. Now what I am dealing with is nothing compared to some of the things that others are going threw. It did get me thinking about the song form the band Super Chick (yes I am a huge Super Chick fan) Beauty From Pain. Several years ago when the song came out I was in a very bad and dark place in my life. I would listen to the song over and over and wonder when my beauty would come. I still wonder when it will come but I know that I am on the path to finding it. I do not think my true and full beauty will come till I have gone home to be with my God. Every day that I live and try to surrender to His will is taking me one step closer to my beauty. Even in the hart ache of this life we can still see some of the beauty that will come to use when we make it home. I think some of the beauty we see in this life is people being healed form their past, people loving others even when they know the true person, worshiping and serving God the way He made us to. I also think that we need to try hard at times to look for the beauty when life gets us down. If all we ever look at is the pain we will never see the beauty to inspire us to reach for more beauty. Even when we don't want to let go of the pain because it has been a part of us for so long. If we don't let go of the pain and reach for our beauty we are robbing the world of one more thing of beauty. We all know that this world needs more beauty in it and much less pain. So here are the words to "Beauty From Pain" I hope that they will help you as much as they have helped me.
"Beauty From Pain"
The lights go out all around me
One last candle to keep out the night
And then the darkness surrounds me
I know I'm alive but I feel like I've died
And all that's left is to accept that it's over
My dreams ran like sand through the fists that I made
I try to keep warm but I just grow colder
I feel like I'm slipping away

After all this has passed, I still will remain
After I've cried my last, there'll be beauty from pain
Though it won't be today,
Someday I'll hope again
And there'll be beauty from pain
You will bring beauty from my pain

My whole world is the pain inside me
The best I can do is just get through the day
When life before is only a memory
I'll wonder why God lets me walk through this place
And though I can't understand why this happened
I know that I will when I look back someday
And see how You've brought beauty from ashes
And made me as gold purified through these flames

After all this has passed, I still will remain
After I've cried my last, there'll be beauty from pain
Though it won't be today,
Someday I'll hope again
And there'll be beauty from pain
You will bring beauty from my pain

Here I am, at the end of me
Tryin to hold to what I can't see
I forgot how to hope
This night's been so long
I cling to Your promise
There will be a dawn

After all this has passed, I still will remain
After I've cried my last, there'll be beauty from pain
Though it won't be today,
Someday I'll hope again
And there'll be beauty from pain
You will bring beauty from my pain
_____________________________________________________________________________________
Also remember God never gives us more then we can handle and when we let Him in, He will bring beauty from our pain.

To Soar with the Eagles

Jesus came that we may live life to the fullest. He came to heal not only are bodies but are harts and souls as well. He is standing in front of us with His arms open wide waiting to embrace us with His love. So often we think that we need to get are life in order so that He will take us in. The truth is that God wants us the just we are. That way He can bring His glory to clean us up and show the world that He make beauty from our pain. Jesus loved the people that the world rejected. People who the world has written off as junkies, failures, drunks, losers. He Himself was written off by the people He came to save on the day that He died for us. How great is His love when at any time He could have called down millions of angles to wipe us all out while he hung on the cross for our sins. How often do we look at what he did and say that was not for me. I am not good, I am not holy, and I do not pray as often as I should, I have not read my bible in weeks. We can not hide from God he see all that we do and loves us any way. God wants to take our pain and hurt all the bricks that people put on us as well as the one we put on ourselves to hold us down, that we may soar with the eagles. God loves a mess because He wants to clean it up. He wants the world to know that He is the master and can fix all things. We will never understand how He works if we look at the world with the eyes that we now have. We must see the world as God see it. While He knows our pain and the evil that we do. He desires to fix it and love each one of us. How many people have I written off, how many do I not love, how many do I hate? I need to see the world as God see it a broken place in need of love and healing. I need to put others first and lift them up, I also need to let others see my pain and let them help me. If we do not let others help us we rod them of the blessing of services and the joy of seeing a person healed by the love of God. Lets us embrace God and let Him teach us to soar with the eagles.

School

I must say I have found school to be harder then I thought it would be. I had no idea it would take up so much of my time and the things I would have to give up to do great at it. I also did not know I would be learning other things that have little to do with fashion but have a lot to do with leaning other tools to be a success in this journey. I have had to learn about Power Point which is something I had wanted to do for a while but never took the time to. I have had to learn more about Word then I ever knew you could do. Time management was something I was good at back when I did social work but I have forgotten all about that since I started working for Quality Container. I have to make choices to not spend time with friends so that I could do home work. I have had to ask for help from friends so that I could do my home work. I knew that when I started down this path some people would think I was wasting my time and money. I also knew that I had to try this to see if I had it in me. One of the most shocking things is some of the people who have come out to support me and tell me they think it is a great idea. I still do not know if this will lead me out of driving truck for work but I know that all the things I learn no one can take away from me. The hardest parts of the classes are just around the corner but I have no doubt that I will do my best and give it my all. Because at the end of the day I will remember that all I do, I do it for the One who has given me the desire and skill to do what needs to be done. As long as I learn something from this no matter what people say I have not failed.